Fiction writers, make your action beats multitask

“This deserted warehouse sure is creepy,” Shaggy said.

“Yeah, it is. Now let’s split up and see if we can find the Ghostly Fisherman,” Fred said.

“Ruh roh,” Scooby said.

[several adventures later, usually involving Shaggy and Scooby running for their lives]

“Let’s see who’s been scaring all the tourists away from Devil’s Cove,” Fred said. He yanked the mask off the Ghostly Fisherman. “It’s Barney Rumblefish, the real estate mogul,” Fred said.

“I was trying to scare everyone away, so I could buy out old man Farnsworth for cheap and build a new luxury hotel in Devil’s Cove,” Rumblefish said. “And I would have gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids,” he said.

Just about every beginning writing book tells you to skip the fancy synonyms in dialogue tags (Velma murmured, Daphne shrieked, etc.) and just use, “said,” because “said” is invisible and doesn’t pull readers out of the story. But as you can see from the example above, constant repetition of, “said,” gets old fast and messes up the cadence of the dialogue. So what should the hapless writer do instead?

Dress up like a ghostly fisherman and get into real estate, because writing pays crap.

Oops, was that out loud? Er, sorry. Let me try that again.

1. Eliminate unnecessary dialogue tags. If it’s clear who’s speaking, omit the tag and let the conversation flow.
2. Try using action beats or bits of internal monologue in place of some dialogue tags. These can break up long passages of unadorned dialogue and give everyone a break from, “said.”
3. Make those beats earn their places in your manuscript. One of the most common problems I see, including in my own writing, is boring, overused action beats. My early drafts are filled with nodding, smiling, shrugging characters who raise their eyebrows ten times per chapter. That’s fine for early drafts, but in revision, we need to dig deeper and write fresher. Done well, beats can do more than replace a few instances of, “said.” When you’re writing for today’s impatient readers, conditioned by action movies and 50-minute TV episodes, you have to be concise. One way to do that is to make words do double or even triple duty.

8 things action beats can do besides show who’s speaking

1. Reveal character. Shaggy backed away from the group, palms out. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You guys search the warehouse. Scooby and me’ll meet you at the malt shop.” You can also use a bit of internal monologue to do the same thing for your point of view character. Right, because splitting up has worked so well for us in every other episode. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You guys search the warehouse. Scooby and me’ll meet you at the malt shop.”
2. Ground the reader in the setting. Velma clicked open the latches of the trunk. She eased open the lid, and the rusty hinges screeched. “This is interesting.” She held up a can of paint with glowing streaks down the side. “Fluorescent paint, and it’s been used recently.”
3. Add sensory detail. Note the clicking latches and screeching hinges above.
4. Show emotion. See #1 above. Also: Rumblefish’s rope-bound hands clenched into fists. “I would have gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids.”
5. Enhance the physical description of a character. Fred straightened his ever-present ascot and ran a hand through his newsanchor-worthy blond hair. “I think we should split up to search the warehouse. Daphne, Velma, and I will take the office. Shaggy, you and Scooby search that dark, creepy storage area over there.”
6. Hint at backstory. Right, because splitting up has worked so well for us in every other episode. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You guys search the warehouse. Scooby and me’ll meet you at the malt shop.“
7. Enhance world-building. Urquehart dropped to his knees before the column of purple flame. “What is thy bidding, my master?” [looks like I’ve run out of Scooby snacks references]
8. Affect the pacing of your dialogue. In general, more and lengthier beats slow the pace, while fewer or shorter beats speed it up. You wouldn’t have a bunch of action beats in a heated confrontation, but you might have more in a slow, meandering conversation when your characters are relaxed. Consider the difference between the following two passages:

Inigo stabbed Rugen in the right shoulder. Then the left. “Offer me money. Power too, promise me that.”

“Yes. “

A swipe of the sword in Rugen’s face. “All that I have and more. Please.”

Inigo took three steps back. More room for a strong thrust. “Offer me everything I ask for.”

“Anything you want.”

Inigo sunk his sword into Rugen’s gut. “I want my father back, you son of a bitch.”

Dialogue from the movie, The Princess Bride, with my feeble attempt to render the action as beats.

Luke didn’t respond right away. He straightened out the top sheet, puddled at the end of the bed, and held it up so we could slip our legs under it. He let it fall and made a business of straightening it so it lay evenly across our hips. Finally, he returned his attention to me.

“My father taught me something else. He said it wasn’t right to take my pleasure at someone else’s expense. He said that a woman who wasn’t pure might not be able to find a husband, so I had no right to take that from her if I wasn’t willing to marry her. And I had no right to help create a child, a new soul, if I wasn’t willing to nurture that soul.” He picked at a wrinkle in the sheet. “Do you understand?”

Now it was my turn to fiddle with the sheet. And reach for the glass of water on the nightstand. And take my time drinking it.

From Vanishing, Inc., my novel in progress, in which the main character, a modern woman, has just had sex with a time traveler from over a hundred years ago, who has a vastly different sense of morality than she does.

See the differences in the action beats between these two passages? Short and punchy for the climactic action scene in The Princess Bride. Long and languid for the scene from Vanishing, Inc.

Want to learn more about action beats? Check out these excellent blog posts:

• Action Beats: The Author’s Multi-Tool – Pro Writing Aid
• What are Action Beats and How Can You Use Them in Fiction Writing? – The Editing Blog
• How to Improve Our Story with Action Beats – Jami Gold
• How to use action beats in your writing – Sandra Gerth
• Three Tips for Writing Strong Action Beats – Christian Editing Services
• 6 Questions to Sharpen Your Story Beats and Make Your Plot Sing – Fiction Notes

And a few books to help you craft strong, vivid action beats (Note: these are Amazon affiliate links, so if you click and buy, I get a few pennies):

• The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression (Second Edition) (Writers Helping Writers Series)
• The Writer’s Lexicon: Descriptions, Overused Words, and Taboos
• The Writer’s Lexicon Volume II: More Descriptions, Overused Words, and Taboos

Do you struggle with writing good action beats? Have you found any helpful resources not listed here?