Seeking new holiday traditions (Weekend Coffee Share #16)
Welcome to the Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer!
We had a quiet Thanksgiving week here in Satan’s Anus (where it’s currently 71F and sunny, so not so Satan’s Anus-y). It’s just the 3 of us now for the holidays–my husband, my adult son, and me. I really feel the shifting stages of my life around the holidays. When I was a kid, our celebrations were also small, just my parents and me, sometimes with brief visits from the few family or friends my father hadn’t driven away yet. Then after I became an adult, and my father died, it was just my mom, my then-boyfriend-then-fiancé-now-husband, and me. Then my son came along, I developed a close friendship with a former co-worker, and we hosted bigger gatherings–my mom, my husband, my son, my friend, his girlfriend, her 2 kids, and me. Those gatherings were loud and rowdy and exhausting–and wonderful.
Now my mom and my friend are dead, we live several states away from the rest of that crowd, and it’s just the three of us. And yesterday my son slept late and missed dinner, so it was just the 2 of us. Husband and I went for a drive in the desert and started talking about holiday traditions and how much ours have changed–or, rather, faded away. The last couple of years, we’ve done virtually nothing for Christmas. Maybe a tiny tree and a roast beef dinner, but not much else. I was the one who always spearheaded our holiday plans, and I lost interest. I was tired, it was too much work, no one else seemed to care… but now I think it was more than that. I was mourning the loss of my mom and my friend, the loss of my son’s childhood, the loss of who we all used to be. Then last year there was the pandemic and moving to a new city during the pandemic and just feeling disconnected from everything and everyone. Yeah, I know, all that sounds really overdramatic and emo and self-centered, but it’s true.
Which brings us to this year and to yesterday and to a sense that I’ve turned a corner. My holiday spirit is coming back, twinkle by twinkle. We bought an artificial Christmas tree Wednesday night, and it’s assembled in our living room. I hummed and bounced around the kitchen yesterday, cooking turkey with all the trimmings. After dinner, we excavated the storage shed and brought the lights and ornament boxes inside. We’ll decorate the tree today. We might even brave the raving hordes and do a little Black Friday shopping. We’re making plans to visit some displays of holiday lights in December.
The holidays won’t be the same as they used to be. Those days are over, those people are gone, and nothing short of time travel will bring them back, and time travel only exists in fiction. But we can build new traditions and, when the pandemic is over, we can meet new people in our new city. We can move forward and find new meaning in the rhythm of seasons and holidays.
All right, that’s enough navel-gazing for one blog post. Let me leave y’all with a few laughs.
The weekly memes–Thanksgiving edition
This one made the rounds last year:
More turkey fun:
Of course, Thanksgiving isn’t just about the turkey. It’s also about the turkeys we share it with:
We may act like Thanksgiving is about gratitude and blessings and family and all, but c’mon… we all know it’s really about eating half our weight in fat and carbs:
American friends, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Friends outside the USA, feel free to stuff your faces in solidarity with us. Wherever you are, what’s your favorite holiday (any holiday) tradition?
21 Comments
Bobbiem91
I ended up with a take out holiday dinner from Miss Kitty’s (it was great) since I had a cold and didn’t want to panic the tourist with my coughing and sneezing. It was nice since we shared our dinner with Lupita and Strom who enjoyed it as much as we did.
I get the lack of holiday spirit. It’s just the two of us in the area and I can’t see fixing this huge meal when I don’t have space for leftovers (teeny, tiny fridge) and not place for any tree that takes up more than a square foot. So, I may put a wreath on the door just to remind us it’s holiday time.
Oh, I’m getting my Christmas present early. Monday I’m picking up Sally, my black mustang from the Equine center for the Yavapai rescue center.
Oh, love the funnies.
Janet Alcorn
Ooh, congrats on the new horse! I wanna see pictures when you get her!
Lydia C. Lee
All my life, my Dad and I (much to my mum’s irritation) would invite any old random person to Christmas, usually with only a day’s notice – recently divorced people, people from overseas, anyone with no where to go. I was thinking about this as our xmas party shrinks. It really is something everyone should do. There are restaurants here that are advertising orphans xmas (where you book a single place on a huge table of people). It’s a great idea but I’m wondering why people aren’t inviting them to come to theirs?
Interestingly at my Dad’s funeral, a number of people who were my husband’s friends that came just after their divorces attended. So the gesture, no matter how weird your family dynamic might be at xmas (and let’s face it, you realise how weird your xmas is when others see it) is always appreciated and remembered fondly. #WeekendCoffeeShare
Janet Alcorn
I love this–and husband and I used to do this too. One year, we celebrated Christmas with my mother and a punk band! One of the members worked with my husband, and they were living in a house with no heat b/c they had no money. So they spent Christmas in our little apartment, eating, taking hot showers, and watching Star Wars. It was awesome and still one of my favorite Christmas memories.
Natalie
I hope the tree decorating cheers you up even more and don’t let the Black Friday shopping craziness affect your day. Thank you for your #weekendcoffeeshare.
Janet Alcorn
Thanks! We ended up doing Black Friday shopping for lights for the tree. I like old school twinkle lights, so we spent about 2 hours trying (and failing) to find some. Guess I’ll be ordering them online. *sigh*
Kirstin
Traditions evolve don’t they? I think it’s so important to find what works for you. Glad your sparkle is coming back. Those memes are hilarious.
Janet Alcorn
Indeed they do evolve, and I’m excited to see what née ones we come up with. Thanks for stopping by!
joylenebutler
I’m glad your holiday spirit has returned, Janet. Sounds like two very special people attended. We celebrated Thanksgiving with 20 American and Canadian friends here in Bucerias. It was lovely. Not too hot or humid. Counting my blessings has become one of my favourite things to do.
Janet Alcorn
Glad you were able to celebrate with so many friends! And yes, definitely counting my blessings much more than my losses this year.
Gary A Wilson
Yea – both my parents are gone now too. We lost mom first and she was the glue and spark of our family. Dad was much quieter and more dependent in strange and awkward ways. We loved them both and their absence at thanksgiving remains troubling as our 3 kids never really got to know their grandparents. But we’re making other memories now with other parts of the family and while it’s not the same, it’s still very good.
This thanksgiving, it was more obvious who was not with us due to covid concerns. That bug is really outstayed its welcome.
Janet Alcorn
COVID has indeed overstayed its welcome!
I feel like with the holidays this year, I’m coming out of a decade-long holiday funk. I miss the people who are no longer with us, especially my mom, but I’m ready to, as you say, make other memories. Thanks for stopping by!
Antoinette Truglio Martin
I think a redefinition of what tradition is is needed. I lament over the changes and the missing. We seem to be scattered. But I do try to fill the voids with news ways of doing things. The only way to make that happen is to do the exhaustive planning, delegation, and logistics.
Janet Alcorn
“Filling the voids”—exactly. And for me, being willing to make the effort and feel those voids instead of just pushing forward. I’m getting there. Thanks for stopping by!
Writing Sparkle
I read that first sentence about ” Satan’s Anus” and choked on my coffee. Haha, that you for the laugh. I am glad to hear that your Christmas spirit is coming back. My boys were insistent that we decorate yesterday so we did. It does encourage the spirit…
Thanks for the virtual coffee.
Janet Alcorn
LOL—glad I could give you a chuckle. One doesn’t survive an Arizona summer without a sense of humor.
leannelc
Hi Joanne – I know exactly what you mean about Christmas changing. It changed for me when my kids got married and they were more focused on each other + sharing them with another family. Christmas Day became a non-event, Boxing Day took its place, and that has now been lost and we’re settling for the 27th. It’s hard to keep adjusting, but I take what I can get – and having the family together is what counts for me, so I’ll settle for whatever I’m given and I can even do it with gratitude rather than resignation these days…..I’m getting there slowly 🙂
leannelc
Gosh my head is exploding and why I wrote Joanne instead of Janet is beyond me….sorry! It must be the whole Christmas thing doing my head in! x
Janet Alcorn
Sounds like you have a positive approach! I’m looking forward to making new traditions in this new chapter of our lives.
Scribble and Scran
Thanks for sharing the reflection, gave me pause for thought about where we are heading this year and what might be. A single advent candle got lit yesterday, normally we have two, one for each boy. This advent we have the one boy at university, text came through yesterday to say he’d just realised he’s missing half of it. We have a wooden tree, that we’ve been bringing out since he was 2. It’s seen bits of Lego, chocolate of course and latterly we divided it up by four in a kind of lucky dip, where favours little notes were to be shared if you got that day. This year it’s just back to chocolate….and I guess it will change again. I’m starting to learn to take each year as they come and enjoy them for what they are.
Janet Alcorn
Your wooden tree sounds lovely! And I hope your son is enjoying university and is excited to come home for Christmas.