My greatest fear as a writer–and a middle grade Victorian mystery
OK, today let’s talk about a topic that plagues just about every writer I’ve ever talked with: fear. In the spirit of honesty and commiseration, I’ll share my greatest fear as a writer, and if you also write (or create or are just a fraidy cat like me), you can share yours in the comments. And I’ll tell you about my friend Karen’s shiny new middle grade mystery, The Etiquette of Voles. But first:
This post is part of the Insecure Writers Support Group (IWSG) blog hop. On the first Wednesday of every month, we IWSG-ers share our doubts, fears, struggles, and triumphs. Our awesome co-hosts this month are Feather Stone, Rebecca Douglass, Jemima Pett, Pat Garcia — and me! Each month our fearless leader (Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh) gives us an optional question to answer. This month’s question:
Some common fears writers share are rejection, failure, success, and lack of talent or ability. What are your greatest fears as a writer? How do you manage them?
Before I talk about writerly fears:
New middle grade release: The Etiquette of Voles
I’m so excited to share that my friend and fellow librarian, Karen McCoy, is about to have her debut novel released!
Life is lonely in Queen Victoria’s London, especially for a talking vole. Chains may be the equal of any human detective, but there’s one case he can’t solve: where he came from and why he can speak.
Luckily, he has the help of Eldridge, the retired investigator he lives with. Their latest job–a shipload of missing fish destined for experimentation–might provide some needed answers. But when Eldridge is kidnapped, Chains is left without sanctuary at a time he badly needs friends. Especially with profiteers, scientists, and pirates from London’s mad scientific underbelly after his hide.
The more clues Chains unearths, the more certain he is that finding Eldridge will also unlock the mystery of how Chains originally came to be, and might even offer him a place to truly belong. But someone he thought he could trust doesn’t want that to happen. A talking vole may offer a significant breakthrough, but a silenced one is preferred.
The Etiquette of Voles is available for preorder and will be released on June 10. Watch this blog for an interview with Karen in a future post. And preorder her book!
Now, back to writerly fears…
My greatest fear as a writer
This one’s easy. My greatest fear as a writer is failure.
OK, great, that’s this month’s post done. Now I can go fertilize my roses.
But seriously, “failure” may be a single word, but it manifests in complex and overlapping ways. Here’s what failure looks, sounds, and feels like to my insecure writer’s mind:
- I have no actual talent.
- I have some skills, but they aren’t good enough to get me published.
- I have talent, but I’m too lazy to do anything with it.
- I have talent, but I don’t enjoy writing enough to stick to it.
- I don’t have the time to write.
- I don’t have the energy to write.
- Even if I do put in all the work to write, no one will ever read it, because millions of books are published every year and mine isn’t good enough/interesting enough to stand out.
- I should spend my spare time getting better at my day job, because that’s what actually pays the bills.
- I don’t have the time or skills to market my book enough to make it stand out.
- I’m wasting my time and energy when I could be doing something more fun/more useful or that will actually earn money.
- I’m too old.
- I’m getting old, so I should spend my scarce spare time having fun instead of writing.
- My book doesn’t fit neatly into a genre, so I’ll never be able to sell it.
- I’ll never find an agent.
- I lack the self-discipline I used to have.
- I haven’t written in days/weeks, so why even bother?
Actually, that last phrase–Why even bother?–is the most common way failure manifests itself in my brain. This is pointless, I’ll never succeed, I’m just another wannabe, there are so many other things I could be doing (like fertilizing my roses).
Why. Even. Bother.
How I manage my greatest fear as a writer
Badly. The answer is, badly. At least lately. I feel like I’ve been on an emotional seesaw for the last couple of years. I recommit to writing, pursue it with dedication for… awhile… then fall off the wagon for a longer while. The truth is, the more I think about publication, the more I query my first novel, the less fun writing becomes. And once it isn’t fun, I don’t want to do it.
Of course, that’s all fear of failure. Querying unsuccessfully makes me feel more like a failure and leads me to assume that anything else I write will also fail, so (say it with me):
Why. Even. Bother.
What’s the point of this post? Why even bother?
I’m not trying to discourage anyone with what is, admittedly, a downer of a post. Not at all. Instead, I’m a) whining, and b) hoping that if someone else out there is also struggling, they’ll take some comfort from realizing they aren’t alone.
Writing is hard, especially when you’re unpublished. There are no real deadlines, no one making you sit in the chair and work. The odds of getting traditionally published, especially with a major publisher, are slim. The work itself is intellectually demanding and often frustrating. Yet we do it anyway. We do even bother.
Why?
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’ve been thinking about exactly that question for a few months now. Why do I still try to write, despite that big ol’ list of failure manifestations I just inflicted on you, my poor, hapless reader?
The answer is another simple one with a zillion manifestations: Because I’m a writer.
I write because I’m a writer.
I suppose that’s a tautology, or at least putting the cart before the horse. Yet it’s true. It took me awhile to assume the identity of, “writer,” but now that I have, I’m not letting it go. I’m a writer, dammit, and so I will write.
Not as often as I should. Not as well as I would like. And definitely not always with joy.
But I will write.
Because I’m a writer.
And so is Karen, and she has persevered through several manuscripts and now stands on the brink of writerly nirvana: the publication of her debut. Did I mention it’s available for preorder?
The memery
I ran across this meme right after drafting this post. Timely, huh?
I don’t know if this next one is true, but I hope it is. I’d like to think even the greats were insecure writers.
Maybe the cure for my insecurity is to lay face down in Stephen King’s yard and cry.
* Takes break from writing this post to price flights to Maine *
And now for some more silliness:
Maybe that’s my problem – I insist on writing while sober.
And finally:
And on that note, I’m outta here. No bears to pursue me, but my roses are getting restless. Pretty soon they’re going to become sentient and start sounding like Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors.
FEED ME…
Happy IWSG Day to those who celebrate! Drop your greatest fears in the comments so I can feel better about mine. And go preorder Karen’s book.
Want more content for insecure writers? Check out my previous IWSG posts.
53 Comments
Esther O'Neill
Happy IWSG day too.., and carry on enjoying writing. . Not being allowed to like – but count me in.
Shakespeare and the bear ? Wouldn’t all/most bars be gay in his day ?
Rough winds, as usual, battering the darling buds ,
The odds of getting a traditional publisher near-impossible, especially with no agent /
and I dared to tell RH I couldn’t write what they wanted ?
Makes me feel better at once -What RH wanted would have mirrored, exactly, the personal hell faced right then by a close friend and neighbour., in a very small community…
Not worth it – and when written, would probably have been rejected.
Janet Alcorn
There’s no point, IMHO, in writing something we hate. There are easier ways to make a living.
Thanks for stopping by!
alexjcavanaugh
You know how you balance that list of fears? Make a list of writing joys.
Congratulations to Karen. Funny title.
Thanks for co-hosting today!
Janet Alcorn
Valid point!
Cathrina
Wow, I think you posted all of my fears too, especially the age factor! It just goes to show you, writer’s basically suffer from identical neurosis’. LOL!!! Thank you for co-hosting!
Janet Alcorn
Yeah, we do – which was why I shared mine. Sometimes it’s comforting to know others feel the same way yet still manage to keep going.
Liza
Oh, my. Yes to all your fears. I could have written many things on that list. But you ARE a writer. A good one. This was a very entertaining post. You also made me sigh in relief. I only have a few rosebushes left, but I fertilized them all on Saturday.
Janet Alcorn
Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed the post–that’s always my goal.
I still haven’t fertilized my roses. Hopefully I’ll get to it this afternoon.
Crystal Collier
I hear that! ALL of it. Writing is bipolar. Well, the arts are bipolar. It’s definitely not a world for the weak…which means if you’re persisting, you are not weak.
Janet Alcorn
Thanks – and you’re right. We put part of our souls into our creative work, which makes us so very vulnerable.
Jacqui Murray
There is no really definition to the word “failure” It is so fungible as to be meaningless. I don’t care abut it anymore!
Janet Alcorn
That’s probably a really healthy attitude!
Anna
You could change your approach by redefining what failure is to you, then you’d succeed for the rest of your life. 😉
Anna from elements of emaginette
Janet Alcorn
A valid point!
cleemckenzie
You cover them all, Janet! Wow. I’m so glad you balanced this post out with the facts about Picasso and other notables. I was getting depressed. 🙂 This was a thoughtful and interesting post. Thanks for writing and sharing it. This month’s question was one I proposed, so it made me happy to see someone respond so thoroughly. Thanks for co-hosting this month. https://substack.com/@cleemckenzie/p-162835681
Janet Alcorn
Thanks – and great job suggesting this question. I think it’s something all writers grapple with.
Toi Thomas
Happy IWSG Day. Thanks for co-hosting this month.
Thanks for sharing Karen McCoy’s book. It looks cute.
I enjoyed the humor of this post and also appreciate your honesty.
Nice Audrey Two reference.
I fear that I’m always missing something.
joylenebutler
Hi Janet. I’m replying to Toi because the reply window wouldn’t open otherwise. Trying to make it open actually gave me time to appreciate your post more. I’m also full of fears and have been since the beginning. My biggest one is my age and the thought, why bother… haha, I think that’s why I love your blog so much. I always relate.
Janet Alcorn
Thanks! I’m not sure what’s up with my site. Someone else said they couldn’t like the post. WordPress or Bluehost must be having issues.
I’m so glad you enjoy my blog! Sometimes I like blogging better than writing fiction. Too bad there isn’t much of an audience for blogs anymore.
Janet Alcorn
I always feel like I’m missing something too! No matter what I’m doing, I feel like I should be doing something else.
cleemckenzie
Wow! You covered them all and so well. I’m glad you balanced the first part with the facts about Picasso and other notables. That made me feel much better. This was a question that I proposed, so I was very pleased to read such a thorough and well-written answer. Thanks for that and thanks for co-hosting today. https://substack.com/@cleemckenzie/p-162835681
Nancy Gideon
Funny how similar all our lists are. We writers are an insecure lot and our fears are sometimes the only things standing in the way of finding success. Instead, fear something like spiders . . . eww. That’s a real fear that can still be squished – or escorted outside.
Janet Alcorn
It’s true – we writers really do have similar fears, and there’s some comfort in that. I wish I could get rid of my fears as easily as I can get rid of spiders (though I actually sort of like spiders, as long as they aren’t in the house).
Rebecca Douglass
I think most of us share most of those fears. And I laughed at your “how do I handle it” answer, because I said exactly the same thing! I often handle it badly.
Janet Alcorn
Yeah, I figure I can always serve as a bad example of how to handle fears 🙂
patgarcia
Hi,
I read your fears. I too think the most of us share some of these things, but we keep on writing. And that is the good thing.
Thanks for co-hosting.
Shalom shalom
Pat Garcia
Janet Alcorn
Yep. I’ve read that the biggest factor that differentiates successful people from unsuccessful people is persistence. So I’ll keep on keeping on.
Arlee Bird
That list of failure symptoms was enough to convince me that you’re a pretty good writer. I say just write and don’t worry too much about it. If it’s not kind of fun, I don’t really want to pursue it.
Lee
Janet Alcorn
Thanks! And I feel the same – if it isn’t fun, I don’t want to bother.
Samantha Bryant
Writing is how I process the world, so I’ll keep doing it even if all avenues of publication fail me and I never find a broad audience. That moment of connection, though, when a reader really *gets* something you’ve written? Worth every drop of sweat along the way. @samanthabwriter from
Balancing Act
Janet Alcorn
Same! I still struggle to keep going, but I manage… sort of.
Beth Camp
Your post reminded me of those days I tried the traditional publishing route some 20 years ago. When my sub to a small publishing house led to their request I provide them with a 20-page, single-spaced marketing plan, I made the decision to go indie and have happily self-published since. Yes, roses are important, but writing our stories nurtures our creativity — and reaches out to new readers. I enjoyed your list and hope that writing brings you joy.
Janet Alcorn
Now they ask for the marketing plan when you submit! I’ve been puttering away on a marketing plan for my first novel, because I know I’ll need it even if I do go indie, but it sure saps my motivation.
mlouisebarbourfundyblue
Loved your post, Janet. I didn’t find it a downer at all. Misery loves company! 😂 I could so relate!
Janet Alcorn
Thanks! Sometimes it’s reassuring to know that others share our struggles.
mlouisebarbourfundyblue
PS ~ Thans for co-hosting!
J.S. Pailly
A lot of my writing insecurities can be summed up by “why even bother?” It is reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Janet Alcorn
You definitely are not the only one who feels this way!
Olga Godim
Wonderful cover of Karen’s story – very evocative.
I can relate to your fear of failure. I think I’m sort of resigned to it by now. The stories still bubble inside my head – it’s not up to me to stop them – but I rarely sit down and type them.
LOL – I like the idea of crying in a famous writer’s yard. I have to make some hard choices: which writer do I love enough to make a nuisance of myself in their yard?
Janet Alcorn
Hey, someone should tell Alex we have a great IWSG question of the month: which famous author’s yard would you most like to cry in? ROTFLOL.
I *love* the artwork for Karen’s book. She really found a wonderful illustrator.
Karen B McCoy
Thanks for featuring my book, Janet! My illustrator’s name is Lena Mulberg, and her illustrator portfolio is here in case anyone is interested in working with her: https://lenamulberg.com/
Janet Alcorn
My pleasure! And thanks for sharing her info. We have some children’s authors in the IWSG who may be interested in working with her.
Karen B McCoy
Thanks so much for featuring me and my book, Janet! And my illustrator is the best. Her name is Lena Mulberg and this is her online portfolio in case anyone would like to work with her: https://lenamulberg.com/
Lidy
Thanks for co-hosting!
Congrats on your debut novel Karen!
The first fear on the list is me. And you said it all with the rest. See a few other of my fears in there too. That’s why my favorite quote that keeps me going is, ‘As things stand now, I am going to be a writer. I’m not sure that I’m going to be a good one or even a self-supporting one, but until the dark thumb of fate presses me to the dust and says ‘you are nothing’, I will be a writer.’ by Hunter S. Thompson.
Janet Alcorn
I *love* that quote! I’m going to add it to the list of quotes I keep in my journal. Thanks so much for sharing it!
Jemima Pett
I loved your post! I loved your failures of the famous, too. And I love Karen’s book…and I’ve pre-ordered it. With any luck it’ll hit my MMGM post at the end of June, if not it’ll be the end of July. That’s Marvellous Middle Grade Mondays, BTW. Another great blog hop.
Janet Alcorn
Thank you! I’ll let Karen know about Marvellous Middle Grade Mondays. It’s hard for a debut author to find a way to stand out.
Kalpana
I’ll have a tequila please – to kill that mockingbird in my brain. Thank you for co-hosting the IWSG this month Janet and for writing this heartfelt post that resonated so deeply. It IS good to know you’re feeling the same way I am and I do get lost in all the ways fear of failure manifests in me. But I’m still writing, as are you.
Janet Alcorn
Belly up to the bar!
I’m glad the post resonated with you. I think many of us creative types suffer from fear of failure.
debscarey
Yes, yes, yes! Thank you for co-hosting this month and for putting into the most eloquent of words how I feel. Reading what you’ve written is unexpectedly encouraging – thank you 🙂
Debs posting today from Fiction Can Be Fun
Also found at Debs Despatches
Janet Alcorn
Thanks! I’m glad you found the post encouraging. I didn’t want it to be a total downer.
Barbara A Mealer
Mine is “I’m not good enough/everyone else is so much better (like you are fantastic)/no one will want to read my drivel.”
There it is in black and white. I’m a mediocre writer. But I keep writing. I can’t stop and I’ve gotten to the point of–I don’t care if anyone likes it or not. I happen to enjoy reading what I wrote–so there.
Just need to edit more and (sniveling in a corner) publish the darn things.
Janet Alcorn
Aww, thanks!
And I share that fear. I tell myself there will always be people “better” than me, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for me. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. I wish I could get to the point where I don’t care if other people like my work (or me, for that matter). It would be so liberating.
I also need to edit and publish more. If you find my motivation, please send it home. I miss it.