Bring characters to life with specific details–Carrie Underwood style

Want to bring your characters to life, to make them live and breathe on the page? Use concrete, specific details. One of the most common issues I see when I critique other people’s writing (and when I look at my own early drafts) is too many generalities. Don’t tell me your character wore jeans and a t-shirt. Tell me he wore faded 501s, two sizes too small, and a Van Halen t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Or tell me he wore Wranglers with the outline of a Skoal can etched into the back pocket. (And I just told you I went to high school in a rural-ish town in the 80s.)

For a master class in using details to characterize, check out the lyrics to Carrie Underwood’s wronged-woman revenge anthem, “Before He Cheats.” As we step through the lyrics, watch for how the songwriters characterize the cheater, the woman he’s cheating with, and, especially, the wronged-woman narrator. Note that for the sake of this exercise, we’re going to assume that our narrator’s imagined scene is actually happening. Note also that we’re going to refer to these three characters as Cheating Bastard, Blondie, and Narrator.

Here we go:

Right now, he’s probably slow dancing
With a bleached-blond tramp
And she’s probably getting frisky

OK, so we’re starting out fairly general, but we’re still learning a few things. We know right away that Narrator is angry–“bleached-blond tramp” shows us that–and we know she’s a little slut-shamey (tramp, getting frisky) or at least too angry to censor herself. Moving on…

Right now, he’s probably buying
Her some fruity little drink
‘Cause she can’t shoot whiskey

More clues about Narrator here: She probably prides herself on being low-maintenance and able to drink with the boys (scorn for fruity little drinks, a/k/a feminine drinks–I’m starting to think Narrator is a bit of a misogynist, but I digress–and the implication that she can pound a shot of whiskey). I’ll point this out again later, but note how even though the descriptions are of other people, we’re learning the most about Narrator through the details she shares.

Right now, he’s probably up behind her
With a pool-stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don’t know

Now Blondie doesn’t know how to shoot pool, and Cheating Bastard is the kind of guy to exploit that situation (and probably show off, but I’m probably projecting). We also get a hint that Cheating Bastard is a little skeezy (“up behind her” has skeezy overtones, and “pool stick” in this context sounds phallic. Why yes, I was an English major. Why do you ask?) And we get a hint about Narrator’s education level (“he don’t know”), though this construction is common in lyrics, because it has better rhythm than, “doesn’t know.” But just roll with it, ok, because it’s a good example of how you can show something about your characters through the language they use.

Now for the chorus:

I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights
I slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats

These lines are wonderfully specific and vivid! Narrator is pissed. off. We already know that, but imagine these few lines are all the information you had about her. We see the violent anger, but we also see it’s personal (carving her name into his seats), and we know the violence is premeditated (she might carry a knife in her purse normally, but most people don’t take a baseball bat bar-hopping). I feel like an FBI profiler analyzing a murder for clues to motivation–and she’s giving us plenty of ’em, even if we didn’t know the info in the first 2 verses.

We also get our first good look at Cheating Bastard here, via his car. “Souped-up four-wheel drive” tells us quite a bit about him, and “leather seats,” fills out the picture even more. Cars can tell us a lot about a character! In this case, it tells us he has money and likes to show off. Douchebag alert!

In the next verse, we’re going to get a clearer look at Blondie:

Right now, she’s probably up singing some
White-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now, she’s probably saying “I’m drunk”
And he’s a-thinking that he’s gonna get lucky

“White-trash version of Shania karaoke” is wonderful, isn’t it? If you’re familiar with late 90s to early 2000s country (and Underwood’s fans would have been), you get a vivid picture of this chick. Add the next line, “she’s probably saying, ‘I’m drunk,'” and the picture gets even clearer, especially if you’ve spent any time in a country bar. And the last line reminds us that Cheating Bastard is also a skeezy bastard who would take advantage of a drunk woman. Here in these parts, we call that date rape.

OK, one more verse. This one’s my favorite:

Right now, he’s probably
Dabbing on three dollars
Worth of that bathroom Polo
Oh, and he don’t know

“Three dollars worth of that bathroom Polo” is pure country poetry. Can’t you just see him standing in front of the men’s room mirror, slapping on some cheap-ass knockoff cologne, even though he can afford better? Maybe plugging $.50 into the condom machine on his way out? Dunno about you, but my skin is crawling right now.

So let’s sum up. In the equivalent of a couple short paragraphs, we know a crap-ton about these three characters:

• Narrator is either working class or rural, considers herself one of the boys, and has a streak of misogyny, a violent temper and a vivid (and masochistic) imagination.
• Blondie is traditionally feminine, helpless/incompetent, and sl*tty.
• Cheating Bastard is a skeezy date rapist who likes to show off but cares more about his car than his personal grooming. Oh, and he’s a cheating bastard.

And except for referring to Blondie as a, “tramp,” Narrator never tells us any of this information directly. Pretty cool, huh?

So, what can we learn from our analysis of a mid-oughts country song?

1. Specific, well-chosen details bring characters to life. The “show, don’t tell” cliché is key here. See the jeans example at the beginning of this post. Another example: I submitted an early draft for critique as part of a writing class. My POV character was sipping a Starbucks coffee. The instructor prodded me to specify what she was drinking, because, and I quote, “You can tell a lot about a person from their coffee order.” She was right.
2. The details your narrator notices should tell us something about the narrator. Don’t just, um, narrate the setting. Think about what your point-of-view character would notice: What’s she feeling? How does she feel about who she’s with and where she is? What does she like (or hate) about where she is or who she’s with? I’ve said it before, but it’s important enough to repeat: We learn more about the narrator from these lyrics than we do about either of the other 2 characters. How she describes them and the details she focuses on (not to mention her actions) tell us a great deal about her.
3. Choose quality over quantity. These lyrics are short (the whole song is just over 3 minutes long), but they convey a *lot* of information about all three people. So be selective. Don’t describe the car from headlights to trunk; pick out the 2 or 3 details that tell us what you want to convey about the owner. It’s not a pickup; it’s a lifted Ford F250 with a shotgun in the back window and Truck Nutz swinging from the rear bumper. (And my skin is crawling again. Whoever invented Truck Nutz should be slapped repeatedly with a pair of lead-filled Truck Nutz.)

How about you, dear readers? Which authors (or songwriters) do you think do a great job of characterizing through details? Or do you have a favorite character you think is rendered especially vividly? Drop me a comment, then go crank up, “Before He Cheats.” It’s a great song!