Arizona-Sonoran Desert Museum + how the hell did I get this old? (Weekend Coffee Share #28)
Monday is my birthday. I don’t normally get wigged out about birthdays, even milestone birthdays, but for some reason I’m a little bewildered by this one. Like, one minute I’m turning 40, celebrating with friends, convincing myself I’m not really that old, and the next minute I’m so old…
Last week I shared that 70’s classic, Match Game, with you, so you should all know what to do now. Ready? Set? Go!
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I’m so old:
- I get injured sleeping.
- I take pictures of small print on packaging so I can blow it up on my phone to read it.
- My joints and my digestion sound like an entire percussion section.
- I lost my virginity during the Reagan Administration.
- Come Monday, I’ll be able to order off the senior menu at Denny’s.
And in case my own birthday isn’t enough to make me feel old, guess who turned 60 this week?
This guy.
Yes, folks, Jon Bon Jovi is 60.
W. T. F.
If you need me, I’ll be shopping for a pre-need burial plot.
OK, OK, I’ll stop whining about my age. Let’s take a field trip! Where are we going? The desert!
Because of course we are.
And when we get back, we’ll giggle at a hot, fresh batch of memes.
But before the wild rumpus begins: welcome to the Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer! Grab a drink, pull up a seat, and listen to my joints snap, crackle, and pop.
Arizona-Sonoran Desert Museum
Last weekend, Long-Suffering Husband and I actually got out and did something besides grocery shopping and hurting ourselves at the gym. We went to the Arizona-Sonoran Desert Museum! The museum is a combination zoo, botanical garden, natural history museum, and aquarium that also has some lovely desert trails. 85% of the museum is outdoors, making it a great choice for pandemic times.
Desert critters
The Sonoran Desert includes the Gulf of California, so the museum includes a stingray touch tank and an aquarium. Our stingray pictures didn’t come out all that great, but here are two moray eels from the aquarium:
That photo is just begging for a caption contest.
Desert plants
If you’ve hung out on my blog at all, you’ll know I can’t go anywhere including my own front yard without taking pictures of plants.
Sonoran Desert vista
And finally…
Museum signs
Let’s keep the humor train rolling with…
Memes!
Since I can’t seem to stop complaining about my age, this week’s meme theme is: getting older.
I wrote a whole novel about time travel, but I still think it would be terrible idea. Why?
Imagine how much more we humans could screw things up if we could go back in time. Not that it wouldn’t be fun, because, yeah, I have ideas.
Age changes a person
To be fair, I felt that way when I *was* a teenager, because teenagers in horror movies are STUPID.
There’s a homicidal maniac with a hockey mask and a machete roaming the forest. Whatever shall we do?
I know! Let’s turn on all the lights in this cabin and have sex.
Jason was just cleaning up the gene pool.
Yep, just did that this week. *sigh*
Ahem. It’s not the Oldies station. It’s the Classic Rock station. There’s a difference.
Slowing down
I am living proof of that.
Here’s an actual picture of me every night after work:
I once took (and aced) 2 midterms on 2 hours of sleep. Now:
But add > 20 years to that age… *sigh*
Totally me if I stay up late. Dear God, what did I do to deserve feeling like this? I’ll never stay up late again.
Till the next time I stay up late.
And when I do finally drag myself out of bed:
Snap, crackle, pop, swear. Every single morning.
Injuries for old farts
Almost every one of my injuries fall into one of 2 categories:
- Obtained while doing something stupid
- Obtained while doing absolutely freakin’ nothing.
The recent ones all fall into that second category.
Totally true. In the last few weeks, I’ve acquired a new pain in my shoulder. It can join the old pain in my shoulder, the pain in my elbow, the pain in my hips, the arthritis in my feet… *sigh*
And finally:
Funny… I don’t remember buying a ticket for that show, yet here I am in the damn front row.
Let’s end on that painful note. This weekend I leave for Vegas to celebrate my birthday. Four days of driving across the desert, eating too much, walking too much, and staying up too late. Assuming all that fun doesn’t kill me, I’ll see you next week with pictures of a different desert.
How about y’all? Got any fun weekend plans? If so–and you’re in my demographic–don’t forget your ibuprofen and Alka-Seltzer.
19 Comments
joylenebutler
Thanks for the laughs. If it’s any consolation, I’m like way older than old. I remember when thongs were flipflops.
Janet Alcorn
So do I! We always called them thongs when I was growing up in California (and I lived in them).
Elizabeth Seckman
Happy Birthday!!!! As my dad used to say, getting older beats the hell out of the alternative.
So much funny stuff. I can relate to all of it. I tripped over an electric cord yesterday and broke my thumb, my knee, and my boob. Twenty years ago, I was bouncier and could take falls better. You’d think the extra padding I have would act as protection.
Thank you for the offer to consider helping young writers with me. I think you’d be awesome. I will email you as soon as my tech challenged self finds your contact info.
Janet Alcorn
Ouch! So sorry you got hurt. I suggest creating an entertaining story to explain your injuries. You were fighting off a psychopathic killer with a knitting needle, you jabbed him in the eye, and he fell forward and knocked you down 🙂
And yeah, you’d think the middle-aged padding would help, but nope. Makes it worse. Hope you heal quickly!
I just responded to your contact message (I don’t post my email, b/c I get enough spam already 🙂 ).
rawsonjl
Thank you so much for the laughs! I hope you have a fabulous birthday celebration!!
Janet Alcorn
Thanks! I plan to eat my way through Vegas while the husband gambles. I’ll go through more money than he does 🙂
Susanne
Isn’t 60 the new 30? Or whatever they say.
I love your photos of plants (and I’m the same when I go out, btw), especially the cacti, and I love your memes. I also feel incredibly old, especially today after my first gym session with a PT. Amazing and it’ll be great for my health but right now I feel like I’ve been run over by a tractor.
However – I thought teenagers in movies where a maniac with a machete is hiking the forest, they were all going out for a swim in the lake in the middle of the night.
Janet Alcorn
I wish I could convince my back and knees that 60 is the new 30. They’re jerks.
Re: the gym, I feel your pain—literally. No personal trainer for me, but I hit the weight machines last night, and my lower back is now howling in protest. My hips and quads should be joining the cacophony any minute now.
Re: teenagers in slasher movies: yes, they do go for late-night swims. Naked. Then very predictable activities ensue, followed by more very predictable activities involving the psycho and his machete. I sincerely hope I wasn’t that dumb when I was a teen.
Gary A Wilson
Hi Janet – again – you leave me hurting.
You do realize that many of our peers in the coffee share are as, or even older, than you or I.
I’ve been senior-qualified at Denny’s for over two years now.
I think there should be a discount at the hair place where the price of a haircut should reflect the percentage of your head that ACTUALLY HAS HAIR. . . .
I’d be down in the mid 30s. . .
Well – happy birthday. Enjoy a breakfast at Bobo’s. You deserve it !
Travel safe and come back in no more than 3 pieces – because I’d miss you and your weekly laugh fest. Your sciatica meme almost triggered mine.
Janet Alcorn
I think you’re right about the age of some of our fellow coffee-sharers. They can roll their eyes at me the way I do at people who complain about turning 30. Dang whippersnappers 🙂
Mmmm… Bobo’s. So tempting…
Dinah
Hello!
Happy birthday to you! Love your sense of humor! I’m right behind you… I will be turning 59 in a couple of months. I have said many, many times that, if I knew how I was going to feel in my 50s, I would have enjoyed my 20s much, much more!
Thanks for making me laugh! Have a great week!
Janet Alcorn
“if I knew how I was going to feel in my 50s, I would have enjoyed my 20s much, much more”—THIS! I can’t even begin to imagine how it would feel to be back in my 20-something body. Yet I spent most of my 20s feeling bad about that body and being generally unhappy. Such a waste. If nothing else, hopefully as we age, we get more comfortable in our own skins.
Natalie
Happy birthday on Monday, Janet! I hope you have a fabulous celebration. Thank you for sharing your desert photos and fun memes with us at #weekendcoffeeshare.
Janet Alcorn
Thanks!
trentpmcd
Happy birthday! Uhm, well, what I meant to say is… lol, yeah, I’m about that age. I mean I’m about a year and a half younger than Bon Jovi
Janet Alcorn
Thanks! Just remember: we’re not old. We’re vintage 🙂
trentpmcd
Yep.
kirstin
Happy Birthday! Those memes are hilarious!!! I absolutely love the photos you took of your recent adventure.
Janet Alcorn
Thanks so much!