In which I am ambushed by the embodiment of pure evil (and there are books)
The summer doldrums continue here at Camp WTF. I used up most of my vacation time roaming around Michigan in May, and it’s too hot to do much of anything here in Tucson except migrate between my air-conditioned house and air-conditioned office, whine about the heat, and count the days till October (72 according to Google. I’m too lazy to count them myself).
Fortunately, it’s time for the monthly What’s On Your Bookshelf Challenge (hosted by Sue, Donna, Jo and Deb), so I have some content for this week’s update besides whining about the weather.
This post is also part of the Weekend Coffee Share, hosted by Natalie the Explorer. Grab a (cold) treat, pull up a seat (under the air conditioning vent), and let’s get to it.
What passes for excitement around here
Rain! We actually got rain!
We did (finally!) get our first monsoon storm, a microburst that ripped up trees and turned my street into a river. We’re fine, but I got drenched chasing down my recycling bin. It was–literally–floating down the street. I shared a short video (of the rain, not the recycling bin) on Instagram.
In which a remorseless killing machine lies in wait and attacks me in my own truck
As if the rain-surfing recycling bin rescue weren’t enough, it’s time for another Janet-vs.-nature story.
It’s Wednesday afternoon, and I’m in the parking garage at work, minding my own business and thinking only about getting out of the 109-degree heat and into my air-conditioned truck. I unlock the door, toss my purse on the passenger-side seat, hop in–and get stabbed in the back with what feels like a red-hot wire. I whip around, and my heat-and-pain-addled brain realizes what’s happening just as I see… the wasp. Sitting on the back of my truck seat, rumpled but (unlike me) unharmed.
I leap out of the truck and, with apologies to the writer of A Christmas Story, unleash a cloud of profanity that, as far as I know, is still hanging in space over the Health Sciences Campus. The wasp relocates to the inside of the driver’s side window, where it sits placidly, regarding my tantrum with all the interest of a teenager in an 8 AM math class.
My back is on fire, it’s 109 degrees outside, and I have to figure out how to get the damn wasp out of my truck.
I opt for my go-to strategy: more profanity.
The wasp is unimpressed with my symphony of obscenity. It just sits on the inside of the damn window.
I look around for something I can use to shoo the wasp away that won’t result in me getting stung again. Sadly, there’s a distinct lack of fly swatters, towels, and small tree branches in University of Arizona parking garages. And heaven forefend I shoo the damn thing further INTO the truck. I do NOT want to drive home with a wasp riding shotgun.
Finally I slap the outside of the window where it’s sitting, and it flies off. If a wasp can project nonchalance, that one did. The wee little venomous bastard.
I still have no idea how it got in the truck, let alone why it’d be chilling on the back of the seat instead of trying to fly through the windshield like most bugs trapped in cars. I can only assume it was lying in wait for me. The wee little sadistic bastard.
So, what I have I taken away from this experience?
- Always check your car seat for wasps before sitting on it. Yes, this is the first time this has happened to me in the 56 years I’ve been on this planet, but I can assure you I will spend my remaining years inspecting car seats for wasps before sitting on them. This, my friends, is called operant conditioning.
- To treat a wasp sting, mix topical Benadryl with topical hydrocortisone and slather it on. Slap a Band-Aid over it and then apply an ice pack. Works really well to reduce the pain, swelling, and profanity.
- I’m grateful none of my co-workers were present to witness my utter loss of dignity and decorum.
Oh, and also?
- Wasps are assholes.
Books I’ve Read in the Last Month
I’m about 8 books behind my reading goal for this year, mostly because I’ve spent too much time scrolling on my phone instead of reading. I’ve read 2 books in the past month that I’ve had on my reading list for awhile, discovered a book by accident that I loved, and reread two old favorites.
Here’s my entire reading list since my last What’s On Your Bookshelf post:
Long-anticipated and did not disappoint
If It Bleeds – Stephen King. If It Bleeds is a collection of 4 novellas that I would describe as creepy rather than truly scary. King is a master of the novella, and he’s in fine form here. My only problem with reading King: Whenever I do, I compare his work to my own and decide I’m a talentless hack.
While Justice Sleeps – Stacey Abrams. (Yes, that Stacey Abrams, the politician from Georgia.) While Justice Sleeps is Abrams’ fiction debut, a tightly- and twistily-plotted legal thriller that kept me turning pages. I think her second book is either out now or coming out soon–will add it to my TBR list.
An accidental–and wonderful–discovery
I mentioned in last month’s post that I’ve been reading a lot of medical memoirs lately. I can’t remember if it was Goodreads or Libby, but some recommender engine suggested Thomas Fisher’s The Emergency, and I gave it a read (well, actually, a listen). I was expecting a typical ER doc memoir–weird cases, heartbreaking cases, the usual ER memoir drama. What I got was a thoughtful and beautifully-written blend of memoir, example cases, and analysis of health disparities. Fisher, an ER doc from Chicago’s Southside who practices in a Southside hospital, uses cases as jumping-off points to explain the impact of racial and socioeconomic disparities on health care. He must watch as people like him, people like his own family (and, in one case, his actual mother) receive substandard care because of who they are, where they live, and how much money they (don’t) have. It sounds grim, but it’s also interesting and informative and highly recommended if you want to understand the realities of health care in the USA. And also get mad about the realities of health care in the USA.
Yes, I’m rereading the Lily Bard series again
When life gets stressful, I seek the comfort of the familiar, so I’m listening to Charlaine Harris’ Lily Bard series again. Harris once described her mysteries as, “cozy with a bite,” and I think that’s why I like them. I can enjoy cozy mysteries, but most of the ones I’ve read don’t have enough suspense or menace to keep me really engaged (remember, I’m a Stephen King fangirl). Yet I love small town settings, quirky characters, and amateur sleuths. Harris hits the sweet spot for me.
If you know of other “cozies with a bite,” please let me know. I’d love to get lost in another series.
The rest
We Should All Be Feminists – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. A short take from Nigerian novelist Adichie, which I think was adapted from her TED talk of the same name. She’s a wonderful writer and speaker and both insightful and funny. Well worth a read/watch/listen.
Crisis in the Red Zone – Richard Preston. A couple of things to know about this book: First, it was published in 2019, i.e., before COVID. It’s a bit of a trip to read a book talking about the possibility of the next global pandemic when you’re living in said pandemic. Second, it’s by Preston, best known for his early 1990s book on Ebola, The Hot Zone. Sensationalism is Preston’s brand. If there’s a way to create extra drama, Preston will find it. That said, I think his work is accurate–just written a bit like a National Enquirer headline.
The Memery
It’s book week, so we’re doing book memes today.
I should read the books I have before I buy more. An oughtobiography.
And now I’m staring at my bookshelves, trying to estimate how many decades I’d need to read everything on them.
A few lessons from romance novels:
No inheritances from great aunts here, but Long-Suffering Husband is rather cute and somewhat handy, so…
I find it hilarious that this is an actual romance trope. Has this ever happened to anyone in real life?
And finally, my favorite high school English teacher sent me this one a few years ago (RIP, Mr. Lupton. You taught me more about writing than anyone else.)
Unfortunately, it isn’t a real book (I checked Worldcat. Because librarian.)
That’s it for me this week. Whatcha reading?
22 Comments
Joanne
Sorry about the hornet sting– those suckers hurt! I once got stung multiple times when I picked up my son (as an infant) and somehow managed to trap one between my son’s body/diaper and my hip. It took everything in me as a mother not to throw him to the ground. LOL.
Sounds like you read some really interesting books this month.
Janet Alcorn
Yikes!! I hope your son didn’t get stung too. I’ve only been stung by wasps twice–both times because I sat on them. The first one was in between the cushions of my couch. They must have some affinity for upholstery.
Texan in Exile
I listened to a podcast with Stacey Abrams and am now a fan. Before that, all I knew was what I had heard in the media, which was basically Mouthy Broad Who Is Stepping Out Of Line. That should have made her more appealing to me, not less. Thank you internalized misogyny.
I’ve been trying to get her books at the library but they’re always checked out. You’ve inspired me to request one, even though my own branch has a copy and I am breaking my own rule. Because what if I die before I ever find it on the shelf?
Janet Alcorn
I’ve liked Stacey Abrams since her first campaign for governor of Georgia. She seems very smart and very genuine. I remember when people attacked her for having student loans (!!), and she explained that, coming from a poor family, she was the well-off relative who helped everyone else.
Gary A Wilson
We don’t have many hornets around here, either that or they’re too close of friends with the yellow jackets who I finally found a way to get back at for being such snotty little jerks. In short I depopulated their hole in the ground nest by putting a transparent large Costco candy jar over their hole in our yard. It confused them enough that they didn’t dig an alternate path out. I was able to quickly slide a full jar away from the hole and quickly covered it with a fresh one. I slid the full one over a lid and locked them all inside – then I happily shook the jar until they were al angry and dead thinking all the while how I was the agent of God pouring karma down on the most torture deserving monsters around. I did this every day for about a week until the nest was quiet and empty. If there is a way to earn your seat in the bus to heaven then I figure this has to be it.
Jennifer Jones
Hi Janet, I have If It Bleeds on my TBR pile. I agree with you that Stephen King is the master of the novella. If it makes you feel better, I’m sure the most accomplished and published author would feel like a hack if compared to King. I love his writing.
Janet Alcorn
You’re right – comparing myself to one of the greats is not the way to build my self-esteem.
leannelc
Oh dear – sorry about the wasp sting – but it did make for a great story (I could feel your pain as I read it!) I also laughed at the romance novel memes – so true.
Janet Alcorn
You know the saying–That which does not kill me makes for a great story.
Sue from Women Living Well After 50
Hi Janet, I’ve been hearing on the news about the heat waves in Northern Hemisphere so hope you are okay. The heat can be so draining can’t it? I will definitely be checking out the Lily Bard series. They sound right up my alley. Thanks for joining us for #WBOYS and happy reading. See you next month. x
Janet Alcorn
We’re OK here, because Arizona is well-equipped to deal with heat. I feel sorry for people in milder climates who suddenly find themselves dealing with unusually high temps. Many don’t have air conditioning (or powerful enough air conditioning), and sometimes the power grid can’t handle the additional load. So dangerous.
Marsha
Janet, you are so funny, sorry about your back, though. It’s a great story. I’m linking it to my WQ (Wednesday Quotes) topic of Tiny, if you don’t mind. Who thought a tiny little insect could cause such a word fog to envelop a parking structure. Good luck catching up with your reading. I just read one last week and another one this week. I’m lucky to get 52 per year.
Janet Alcorn
Thanks for linking my post! Tiny insect -> large cloud of profanity 🙂 (and a large lump on my back for a few hours).
Marsha
That sounds super painful. I don’t wish those on anyone. 🙂
Natalie
Sorry to hear about the wasp sting, ouch. You’ve got some good reading there. I’m way behind in my summer reading, too much fun outdoors. Thank you for your weekend coffee share. Have a great week!
Janet Alcorn
I can’t blame you for opting for the outdoors over reading. Gotta get that outside time while the weather is nice!
Kirstin Troyer
Oh gosh! And do I have a story for this weeks coffee share…lol. I have read While Justice sleeps. I always enjoy your memes
Janet Alcorn
I’ll watch for your Coffee Share post!
Retirement Reflections
Hi, Janet – I haven’t (yet) read any of the books that you have featured here. But I absolutely love the quotes. They are all so true — especially about there not being enough bookshelf!
Thank you for being a regular at #WOYBS. We greatly appreciate it.
Janet Alcorn
Thanks for hosting WOYBS! It’s always fun to see what people are reading.
csuhpat1
You can never have too many books-lol.
Janet Alcorn
Until you’re moving. Then it’s, “Why do I have so !@#$% many books?!”